


It's Just Swamp Gas

by LexiTheDoubleedge



Category: Parahumans Series - Wildbow
Genre: Gen, Press and Tabloids, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-27
Updated: 2019-05-27
Packaged: 2020-03-20 04:29:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18985288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LexiTheDoubleedge/pseuds/LexiTheDoubleedge
Summary: The tabloids say some of the weirdest things about capes, and Skitter is no exception...





	It's Just Swamp Gas

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by a comment by ShiftingSandLand of QQ on one of WestOrEast's recent ficlets.

I was having breakfast with Lisa when Charlotte came in.

"Hey boss," she said. "Got another tabloid with a story about you."

I took the pretends-to-be-news-paper from her, looked at the cover, and felt my face go red. It's one thing to know that people will tell bizarre stories about you if you're a well-known cape, hero or villain.

It's another thing to see someone purporting to have pictures of Alexandria herself doing you in the sky above Los Angeles.

Not that the image on the cover was anything but a little black blob with a red circle around it. I pushed it over to Lisa. "What do you make of this?"

Lisa looked up from her eggs. "Weather balloon," she replied before taking another bite.

"Seriously?"

She nodded as she finished chewing and swallowed while running her finger along the space above the blob. "They photoshopped the balloon itself out. This is just the instrument package here." Then she got up and walked over to the corkboard where Aisha had posted a copy of "The Official PHO Tabloid Villain Bingo Card" and stuck a thumbtack in the 'sex with Alexandria' square.

I had my doubts about how 'official' it was (along with every other aspect of the proceedings), but every time I tore it down Aisha would put a new copy up, and I'd decided it wasn't worth fighting over.

"I have to admit," Lisa said, "I wasn't expecting you to get a bingo this quickly."

It was true, I'd just completed the top row. Sex with local Protectorate leader, each member of the Triumvirate, local Wards leader.

Not that I'd done any of those things, and it wouldn't have counted if I had. Just that a tabloid had -said- that I had. (Honestly, I was a bit surprised that Alexandria had come last of those. At least she wasn't -known- to have a sexual orientation incompatible with me.)

"You missed a square," Charlotte said.

Lisa started grinning, and I sighed. I had a feeling she had guessed something that I wasn't going to like. "What?"

"That picture's supposed to be six months old. The pictures -inside- have you pregnant with Alexandria's children."

Pregnant... Alexandria?

-Alexandria-?!

It only took a moment for me to decide upon the appropriate response to this bit of information.

"Nope," I announced as a swarm descended upon and began consuming the offending tabloid. I directed a few more to the bingo card for good measure.

Sadly, no insect in my repertoire was capable of eating Lisa's laughter.

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea where the bingo idea came from.


End file.
